Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence Abuse Might Include:

  • Hitting, shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, or strangling you.
  • Threatening to hurt or kill you.
  • Calling you names or telling you that you are crazy.
  • Criticizing things you do or say, or criticizing how you look.
  • Hurting your pets or destroying things special to you.
  • Blaming you for the abuse he or she commits.
  • Limiting where you can go, what you can do, and who you can talk to.
  • Unexpectedly checking up on you at your workplace, home, school, or elsewhere.
  • Forcing you to have sex against your will.
  • Apologizing and telling you it will never happen again (even though it already has).

Source: WebMD

Warning Signs

Does your spouse or significant other exhibit the following behaviors?

  • Embarrass, belittle or put you down?
  • Say hurtful things to you?
  • Dislike your friends and family and discourage your relationships with others?
  • Make all the decisions in the relationship?
  • Chastise you after social functions for talking with other people?
  • Act jealous of people you talk to?
  • Blame you for his or her mistakes?
  • Try to make you feel worthless or helpless?
  • Forbid or prevent you from working or going to school?
  • Keep money, credit cards, and checking accounts away from you?
  • Control access to your medicines or medical devices?
  • Threaten to have you deported?
  • Throw dishes or other objects?
  • Abuse your children or pet when mad at you?
  • Push, slap, kick, or otherwise assault you?
  • Demand sex, make you perform sexual acts you are not comfortable with, or sexually assault you?

If any of these behaviors are occurring, you need to seek help immediately.

Abuser profile

Recognizing the general tendencies of an abuser

  • Has an uncontrolled temper.
  • Has a very short fuse and becomes immediately angry.
  • Has poor coping skills.
  • Can be unreasonable and demanding at times.
  • Can give double messages…pendulum swings from loving to abusive.
  • Denies that the abuse has occurred or makes light of a violent episode.
  • Blames the victim, other people or outside events for the violent attack.
  • Abusers don’t act because they are “out of control.”
  • Abusers choose to respond to a situation violently.
  • They are making a conscious decision to behave in a violent manner.
  • They know what they’re doing and what they want from their victims.
  • They are not acting out of anger.
  • They are not reacting to stress.
  • Prone to extreme jealousy.
  • Expresses remorse and begs for forgiveness with seemingly loving gestures.
  • Can be hard workers and good providers.
  • Can be witty, charming, attractive and intelligent.
  • A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse and abandonment issues.
  • Unrealistic expectations of a relationship. (To “fix” them or solve their problems.)
  • Isolation and antisocial temperament.
  • Recklessness. (dangerous sexual behavior, reckless driving, drug use etc.)
  • Inability to accept responsibility for their behavior and actions, even in the face of dire consequences.
  • Cruelty to children and animals.
  • Threats of violence.
  • Low self-esteem, shame.
  • Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries, a compulsion to violate boundaries.
  • Emotional volatility – fear of being “out of control”.
  • Need for power and control to compensate for the above.
  • Abuse generally escalates when the partner leaves.

Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma based adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse.